The Adventurers or Misadventurers of Motherhood ~ Story 1

Now that I am of a certain age, I can look back on the Adventurers or Misadventures of Motherhood with fondness and laughter. With time, these memories have become funnier. Even funnier as my children have become parents. And funnier still as grandchildren become teenagers.

From time to time, I am going to share some of my more memorable motherhood moments.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!!

I say that, because I know some of my children will roll their eyes (upon reading this) and say, "Yeah, her first one would be about Troy." Know this. Your time is coming. Be afraid, be very afraid. You know what you've done.

To those who read these stories and relate, I salute you. Picture me sitting pool side, large beverage in hand, saluting, then downing beverage.

To those of you who read these and are horrified, I say, "Wow, what a boring life you lead," and I will drink two beverages on your behalf.

So, without further fanfare, here is the first of many, I say, many stories.

Standing at the kitchen island folding laundry, my husband arrives home, from work. On his way up the stairs, he grabs our sixteen year old son’s pile of clean laundry. He didn’t just dump the clothes on the bed, as was my routine; he opened the dresser drawer to put the laundry away.

It was only a couple of minutes when hubby flies down the stairs and says to me, “Do you know what Troy (the names have NOT been changed to protect the innocent) is doing with all those condoms in his drawer?” I didn’t and pondered on how best to approach the situation.

A couple of days later find Troy and me in the kitchen and, as luck would have it, we are the only people at home. I bravely bring up the condom stockpile.

“Wanna tell your old mom why you have a rather large supply of condoms in your dresser drawer?”

“Well, Mom, you never know when you’ll need to bag the bad boy.”

I grip the counter trying to maintain my Cool Mom persona.

“You had better be double bagging the bad boy! Where on earth did you get all those condoms?”

“You know that magazine you bring home from work, Men’s Heath? Well, in the back of the magazine, they sell a gross of condoms for $12.99.”

My Cool Mom persona has developed a tick.

“Troy! Does purchasing condoms in gross quantities give you ANY pause for concern?”

“No, Mom! They’re all date stamped.”

“Troy, if I get ONE phone call from ONE parent I will cut you off at the pockets, nail it to the front door and you won’t have to worry about bagging the bad boy!"

As I walk to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of chardonnay, repeating to myself, “Chardonnay, take me away”, I wonder, would anyone notice if I poured the wine into a beer stein instead of a wine glass?